In this moment, I am restless, wishing I was more, wishing I've done more. Everyday I try to make the best choices based upon what I value, yet, I make mistakes. I promise things I want to deliver, but end up not being able to. I say words I wish were true, but end up not being so. I strive to be better, but miss the mark. Finally, no matter how hard I try, I unravel, and cry unconsolably, convinced I am so much less than who I truly am meant to be.

In this moment, I take a deep breath, and allow my heart to empty the frustrations with myself and others. I take a deep breath, and allow my mind to empty the projections of the future that I fear may never be realized. I need to let everything come to rest, take a deep breath and accept. Accept and recognize that I am here. Whatever obstacles are in my way, I am here. To breath in, breath out, and simply receive only this moment. 

In this moment, I accept I am human, I accept I have flaws, and I accept I have not accomplished all that I have set out to do. I dry my tears and forgive myself.  I forgive others, and let go of the anger that displaced love. I take a deep breath, bringing in truth, light and love to guide tomorrow's choices. I am here, and I will not surrender.


LYRICS TO DEEP BREATHS & FORGIVENESS
(c) 2010 Jill Dawson
Every heart ever broken by
careless words regretfully spoken
has wound that's in need of repair

Every flower yearns to blossom
Every tree yearns to grow 
Bitter roots delay the process of the beauty of the bloom

Deep Breaths and Forgiveness are beautiful things
Deep Breaths and Forgiveness are the most beautiful of things

Every hour we spend livin with
Rights undone and wrongs unforgiven will not
Yield any fragrance of trust 

Tender hearts with
Grace and compassion can
Heal again and Love

Deep Breaths and Forgiveness are beautiful things
Deep Breaths and Forgiveness are the most beautiful of things

A quick shout out to say thank you to all who supported me at my most recent show.  How awesome it felt to share all new material, and have it received with cheers from the most gracious audience! I'm open to playing out more this coming year, but at the same time want to be sure to stay focused on getting decent demos completed.

In the immediate term, I've completed writing a theme song for nonprofit LeaderSpark, and we will be recording it in the coming weeks. This song will be released as part of the MELODY FOR CHANGE PROJECT, with a promotional video to raise awareness for LeaderSpark leadership programs for youth. 

Then, it's back to business on the Basement Tapes CD, which will take longer than original planned. Due to corrupt files, I will need to re-record many of the songs. But with most things in this universe, I truly believe this happened for good reason. I'll now be able to include a couple of new songs I've written in the past couple of months, and ensure the timing and keys make each song the best it can be.

In the meantime, enjoy a couple of the free downloads, and I'll be in touch!

Though I haven't touched base in a while, it doesn't mean I haven't been thinking of you.  I've had a spurt of creativity and songwriting again, so rather than recording, and promoting, I've been enjoying going back to basics, which for me is validating the muse and creating. I've recently realized that the majority of my songs are written either in the months of Sept/Oct or Feb/March. Not wanting to ignore these short creative windows in my musical journey, I did put recording on hold to capture what is musically being given to me at the moment.  In all honestly, part of that decision was made for me since I've been having technical difficulty editing the files for The Basement Tapes. The result is I think I will be forced to rerecord a good handful of those songs. Perhaps it was the universes way of ensuring more songs that need to be heard get written :) So, I promise to keep plugging away at it, and in time, we'll get there.

If you've been checking out any of the latest posts, you may have also run across the mention of the Melody for Change Project. Around the time my song "Faith" was added to the "Songs for Haiti" vault, I woke in the middle of the night with the words "Melody for Change Project" rattling around.  It's no secret I've pursued songwriting and a music career in the past, and walked away for a variety of reasons. One of them being the self-centered focus it required, leaving me feeling empty and unfulfilled. Thus, when I decided to start sharing my music again this past fall, I promised myself that the focus would be on making a difference in some capacity.  This is where my concept for the "Melody for Change Project" comes in. The nonprofit endeavor is to partner songwriters/musicians with nonprofit organizations, and even companies, that are truly making tomorrow a better place, either through empowering youth, helping those less fortunate, or educating on environmental concerns. So, the initial stages of this will be writing songs that will be used to promote these organizations and companies. The recorded songs will be used in viral videos and at fundraising events. Hopefully, a set of songs will be released on an EP of which the proceeds will fund the continuation of the Melody for Change Project. I've got lots of additional ideas of how it can grow, but for now, I'm at the baby steps stage.

I just finished a demo for LeaderSpark, and they loved it. I have another song called "We R" that will highlight heroes of tomorrow, and am working on a few others that I will share in time. It is something very dear to me, because I truly want my musical imprint to inspire others to use music for change.  Well, off to the next note, the next lyric, the next song.   

In Memory of my step-sister, Julie
A beautiful person with an infectious laugh,
A mother of two girls, a loving daughter, and a friend to many.
She was killed on January 9th, 2009.
-------------------------------------------
Today's not an easy day, nor will tomorrow be .... 
The degree to which you will be missed is immeasurable. 
We'll miss that beautiful smile & exuberant spirit you brought into any room. 
We'll miss your infectious laugh which is now, no doubt, music to ear's of angels. 
We'll miss your friendship, your phone calls, your hugs. 
You've inspired so many with your passion for people, and 
generous love for your family. 
You've inspired us to be strong, to be honest, and 
enjoy each moment in life together. 
We can not say good bye, for we know you live on... 
Live on in our hearts, in the spirits of your gorgeous girls, and with the Lord 
whose cradled you in his arms and welcomed you home. 
Heaven is even brighter and more beautiful than ever. 
We are comforted knowing you now sit among the angels, 
but we are struggling. 
We are struggling to find a sense of peace. No, 
Today's not an easy day. Nor will tomorrow be. 
So, we must pray, and pray hard. 
Our prayer for today ... 
We pray for His Hand to hold ours in our time of sorrow. 
We pray we can open our eyes to the blessings in front of us, 
and be guided by God's grace 
We pray to be present to receive love, 
and fully absorb the moments we have with one another. 
And for tomorrow ... 
We pray that as a sunbeam shines, someday 
we can smile as you, Julie, smiled 
We pray that as a wind brushes gently by, someday 
we can inhale the exuberance of life as you did 
We pray that as a bird sings his morning song, someday 
we can hear your laughter and laugh with you. 
We love you, Julie. 

Wow, the end of 2009 is today, and we begin a new decade. I wish I could say all has been magical and full of delight this past year, but we've had some emotional lows from loss. Yet, on the other side of the pain, I've experienced a very personal spiritual transformation and witnessed amazing strength and grace within those I love. So, we end this year with a sense of hope, optimism, and motivation to live our best lives, hour by hour, making choices that reflect what is truly important to us.

On a musical note, I'm grateful to be back writing songs and sharing music, and look forward to keeping the creative momentum going. Balancing of the holiday busyness and family responsibilities, I'm not as far along finishing up the Basement Tapes, but will be returning to that project in the coming weeks. In the meantime, I'm taking deep breaths, and soaking in the precious moments of the holiday season. 

Sending my very best regards to you and your loved ones

I received an email recently with the following quote from Ecclesiastes 11:4
"Farmers who wait for perfect weather never plant. If they watch every cloud, they never harvest."

I wanted to share this with others to encourage them to take risks when it comes to pursuing dreams. I myself halted taking steps toward my true passion because I was waiting for the "perfect conditions." It took considerable time and loss to realize I was waiting for something that doesn't exist. We have to do the best we can with what we are given, or we will end up with nothing but regret. I think it is actually fear that fuels the "perfect condition" excuse. It's very easy to let the fear of failure or even of success be a saboteur. 

The truth is life is messy, situations are rarely perfect, and humans are far from it.  Unfortunately, if you pick up a magazine these days, too many of us are unfairly comparing ourselves to illusions. We need a movement to prove there is real beauty in authenticity.  I'm working hard to move beyond the paralyzing trap of perfectionism. That's not to say I'm not striving to be the best I can be. I am, however, now able to share my original music, in all it's messiness.

In fact, many of things I'm going to share on this website in the coming months may not sound "radio ready." They will, however, document my journey as a singer/songwriter completing songs, rewriting them, experimenting with arrangements, etc. My recordings may have imperfections, but I hope I can capture the authenticity of a performance that travels beyond your ears and into your soul.  Rather than wait for more time and more money, I am taking the leap to share what I can with you with what I have right now.

The songs are my seeds. I plant them by sharing them with you. Rain or shine, I will continue to do so. It's unclear what form the harvest will take, but regardless hope the pure action of planting them will inspire you to plant your own.

I was so excited to learn about the apparel company of Pigtail Pals, which actions strongly support it's marketing tag "Redefining Girly". These words are about encouraging our girls to embrace their individuality. To put it in the words of my 4 year old daughter, she proudly states "Um, I'm a different kind of person than you" when people question what she wears or plays with. Each child is a gem with unique interests, and we should let them define their own dreams and encourage them to do so without judgement. In fact, the song "When I Dream" was inspired by my daughter's request to build a rocket ship to fly to outerspace. Let's retain that sense of wonder and possibility in the next generation, and abandon the stereotypes that are limiting them. A tremendous thank you to Pigtail Pals for embracing that philosphy. I'm proud to have "When I Dream" be part of what is not only a clothing line, but a movement.

After nearly a 5 year hiatus, my musical flame has been reignited. In 2004, I stepped away from sharing my music publicly for many reasons.  The most important was I had a young son, and shortly thereafter in 2005, had a young daughter.  I've always used songwriting as an outlet to balance my life, but in the last couple of years never ventured up from the little music room in my basement. Then, early this year, a tragic family event shook me. The fire for songwriting intensified, and a strong need to share what I was creating grew within.  I now see my music as a legacy, and each song as an opportunity to bring joy and/or comfort to others. The universe seemed to agree and has started to nudge me toward musical opportunities that are in sync with these intentions. So, thank you to those who have been a part of this exciting transition. Now, let's everybody get in our rocket ships and join in for not only the launch of a new website, but a new creative journey.  Blasting off!